


Drunk in Love

by marcosburlybiceps



Series: Drunk in Love: The Series [1]
Category: Red Queen - Victoria Aveyard
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Drinking, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2019-10-15 18:19:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17533814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marcosburlybiceps/pseuds/marcosburlybiceps
Summary: King's Cage. Mareven. Introducing alcohol to this messy relationship and seeing what happens. Starting after the assassination attempt. A low key KC rewrite.Normally I’d be watching every miniscule face movement for some hint of what is going on in Norta. Which frown means the Scarlet Guard is winning? Which ear scratch means one of my friends has died? The sunlight pierces my skull. I lay my face on the cool table.





	1. Part One

After the assassination attempt, Maven’s dismissals come in packs. I’m not privy to them, but I notice as the numbers dwindle. The rumors say they were relieved of their posts. I know better. They were close to Cal and his father.

That’s probably why he summons me more now. Why I see so much of him. I’m the only one with loyalties he can trust. The only one he really knows.

This time is more unusual than the breakfasts or feasts. It is night and I am not forced into a gown that is more jewel than fabric. My stomach is sick. Has something happened with the Guard? Am I about to be interrogated again? I mourn the time wasted in Maven’s presence that could be spent on reading Julian’s books. _Liar_.

Trio and Clover open opulent doors to an opulent antechamber full to burst with Sentinels. I stop in alarm. Has Maven finally gotten over me? I am pushed forward by a rough hand and rough grunt. I walk through the next doors to a much more plain room. White walls, white shelves hanging from the wall. Other than Maven seated at a small table, the room is mostly unfurnished. The doors shut behind me.

I arch a brow, ”A room fit for a King.”

He rolls his eyes and takes a long drink from a dark glass. The table is full of bottles of different sizes. “I own castles. What does it matter what one bedroom looks like?”

I turn towards the windows that almost span the length of the room. The lights of buildings twinkle and reflect in the flowing water. I feel a bite of irritation that Maven gets to look at something so beautiful each day. There’s another door behind the table. No doubt where he hides more Sentinels.

“Sit down already.”

“There’s room in all this minimalism for another chair?”

It scrapes towards me as his pushes it with a foot. I sit down. What else is there? I grab a bottle and open it to alcohol so strong it makes me cough. “Drinking alone at night does not bode well for the state of Norta, Maven.”

“And so I invited you.”

I blink at him, “That’s more pathetic.”

He sighs, pours something into a glass, and hands it to me. This one is not nearly as strong. I internally shrug and down it. Again, what else is there? I still cringe. Less strong does not mean ineffective. Silence hugs the room.

“Do something interesting or I’m risking the Sentinels.”

Maven looks up from his glass. He moves bottles until there are two piles and a clear area between us. He then pulls out a deck of cards.

* * *

 

Two drinks later, each one nastier than the last, I kick his ass at another round. Maybe. The cards are a little fuzzy, but Maven is frowning.

“I don’t think your last move was legal.”

I sweep up the deck and start shuffling, “Too bad.”

He snorts. I laugh at it. We laugh at nothing together and it quickly becomes annoying. Despite the hour, his hair has somehow stayed perfect. There are small curls by his ears. His blue eyes are crinkled. The room is comfortably warm from just his presence and all of it is annoying. “You’re annoying.”

Maven laughs again, “You’re annoying! You cheat!”

“You got me so drunk the cards won’t stay still,” I hold one up to his face. He leans back slightly. “I have to cheat. I’m too drunk to win.”

He pushes my hand away, grabs my drink, and disappears behind another door I completely forgot was there. Water runs. Maven is back and shoving the glass in my face. “You’re cut off.”

“Sore loser.”

He smirks, “I got you in my bedroom, didn’t I?”

“The sad, empty room.” I smirk back. Maven frowns. I take a sip of water and almost choke while giggling.

I stumble to the bathroom. He tracks me from his seat. This room is full of things. Figures. He makes me wear that fancy crap, after all. I lose time at the sink smelling the lotion bottles. When I come out, the table is cleared somewhat. Maven is by one of his few shelves. Tired of the hard chair, I fall face first on his mattress. Bottles clink together and feet shuffle for a few long minutes. My breathing deepens.

The mattress moves enough that Maven must have joined me.

“You smell like five different things. How much lotion did you put on?”

“I don’t remember,” I mumble into the mattress.

I feel a tug from a strand of hair.

“You can’t sleep here.”

I don’t move. My scalp tickles slightly as he moves my hair around. I turn my head to give him an evil eye. Maven’s arm is crooked and his head is resting on his palm. He’s barely a foot away. He doesn’t let go.

I grab his hand, “Don’t tangle it. The one brush I have sucks.”

“I’ll get you more.”

I shift and mirror his position, “Why am I here?”

“I just told you to leave. You tell me.”

I shove his shoulder and watch his back fall to the mattress. He stays down and gazes at his ceiling. I lift myself off of the bed one piece at a time. The room settles and I head to the door. Are the Arvens still outside? Were they forced to wait for me? My smile feels sharp. Maybe they’ll be rougher with impatience and I’ll get to take a swing at them. Nothing like being drunk to encourage fist fights.

“Goodnight, Mare.” I wave an obscene hand gesture.

* * *

 

I stare down at the plate before me. It’s all bacon. I just barely hold back a heave. I look up in time to catch the flicker of a smile cross Maven’s face before he hides it behind the seriousness of the report he’s reading. Irritation makes my head throb harder. I push the plate away and down more coffee.

Normally I’d be watching every miniscule face movement for some hint of what is going on in Norta. Which frown means the Scarlet Guard is winning? Which ear scratch means one of my friends has died? The sunlight pierces my skull. I lay my face on the cool table.

I wonder if the assassination attempt is the reason for last night. _Was last night an assassination attempt on me_? Maven doesn’t look much better than I feel. The shadows under his eyes grow darker day by day. I’m certain he’s growing thinner. His hair less lustrous. His arms more restless as they fidget across the throne arms. I listen to the shift of paper from table to hand to table.

“Stop scraping the silverware,” I barely unclench my jaw enough to speak.

“If you prefer your room…” He repeats for the umpteenth time in our meals together. It’s as familiar now as a mother softly reminding her child to stop talking before a grounding is on the table. I used to rib Shade too hard in her presence before his conscription. In darker moods, I switched to Gisa.

I chug the cooled coffee, “Did you used to drink with Cal?”

Maven doesn’t flinch, but he does pause, “At court festivals. Until he became more serious in his role as our future king,” His tone is droll. “He would sneak away bottles as though we weren’t crown princes with distracted parents. Cal didn’t want to risk getting a servant in trouble for providing us with alcohol.”

I picture the brothers as I knew them before it all unraveled. Two young men comparing bruises from Training and laughing at poor jokes, maybe. The easy laughter of last night spreads a warmth across my cheeks.

“Gisa was always the better, more responsible sibling. She acted older than her age by decades,” I let the homesickness color my voice. Maven finally looks away from his papers to watch me. “Where I stole us a life, she earned one.”

Our eyes lock.

“She created the silk I gave back to you?”

My jaw twitches at _gave_. I know he sees it.

“Is there anything of Cal’s left?”

Ice crackles between us. “No.” Maven glances at the windows.

“Next time drink the water I offer,” He gathers his precious reports and leaves me behind without a look back. I snarl as the Arven’s fingers dig into my arm and drag me back to the empty room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvgigkaSCZA)


	2. Chapter 2

Days pass by with nothing more than Julian’s books to look at. They are dense with history of Norta. I am grateful to learn, but bored all the same. Late one night with no warning that I could decipher, I am hassled from bed again by my sneering convoy. Excitement adds a slight bounce to my step and that old shroud of distrust tries to beat it back down. While the next morning hurt, playing with Maven was still a nice change. I hadn’t laughed that hard in months. But it’s Maven.

He is at his place at the table as are the drinks. As I pass by his spare shelves, I double take at the small pile of hair brushes in the middle of one.

I pick one up and turn to him, eyebrows raised, “How does this help me?”

He pauses in his card shuffling, “I can’t let you have them in your room. Who knows what monstrosity you’d create out of them.”

I brush my hair while waiting for him to deal. I take time to weave it into something complicated enough to keep it out of my eyes. I taught this to Gisa years ago and she turned it into something delicate and beautiful that I could never do myself. “My sister would cut my hair off if she knew I’d just ended a braid with a knot.”

Maven looks up from his hand. “Cal would kill me if he saw me awake at this hour.”

My fingertips run along the cards’ edges over and over. That push-pull from earlier catches my words on my tongue, “I know you know now how often I dream of my family,” I swallow, “Especially Shade.” Maven’s gaze devours mine. “Don’t you miss him? I miss them all.”

His gaze shifts inward, “I’m not sure.” I wait for more. He lays down a card. I pour myself a drink while thinking through my hand. The words are soft. Softer than I thought he could be. Soft enough they may not be real, “I don’t dream. She took that from me.”

Cold horror seeps into my skin. For a moment their eyes blend together in my mind.

I push a bottle towards him. He smiles slightly, although his eyes remain dark, “Your move.”

* * *

 

I burst out of the bathroom, “I may not be able to beat you at a card game, but I can beat you in an arm wrestle match.”

“I see your fourth drink has hit.”

“Come at me, coward.” I march over to the table and almost sweep the bottles to the floor. Maven’s got a fast grip on my arms.

“Let me do it. Spilled alcohol and a power over fire do not mix, Mare.” He towers over me. He thinks he can grab me when he wants. Talk about his power like mine hasn’t been stamped away.

“So you do want to fight.” I shift my weight and knock into him. We hit the floor. I use all that I remember to stay on top and pin him down. He tries, but I’m small and find ways to wiggle free.

“Mare! The Sentinels!”

“They can wait until I beat you.” I huff out while trying to keep his arms down. Maven finds a spot on my stomach that makes me gasp. His eyes turn calculating.

“You win! I give in! Stop!” I’m breathless from laughing. The bastard had found a tickle spot and wouldn’t let it go. He releases me and flops on the rug beside me. The dark green rug that wasn’t in front of his bed before. The color clashes with the walls in an interesting way. Maven is gasping too.

“Why didn’t the Sentinels come in?”

“They did. You were laughing too hard to notice.”

I sit up fast, watch my vision slide into black, and drop back down. Maven has my head in his hands. We’re both still on the floor and he’s leaning over me. His dark hair is long enough to fall slightly in his eyes. He watches my eyes refocus, “You’re lucky I like things soft.”

“Is that why I’ve gotten so weak?” I mumble as I brush his hair over. The weight of his chest presses me into the rug. His natural heat spreads through where we touch down to my toes. His gaze slips from concerned back to calculating. My hand lingers on his skin. Maven releases me and sits up. I stare at the ceiling and listen to him enter the bathroom.

The echoes of his touch remain. I feel his heat along my ribs.

I’m still on the rug when he comes back. I hear tinkering and then his feet stop next to my shoulder, “Your chin looks weird from this angle.” He crouches down and hands me a glass. I sit up enough to not spill water all over myself.

Maven’s head tilts towards the door, “You can’t sleep here.”

I pat the rug, “Feels like I can.”

He snorts and sits.

“How do you not dream? Everyone dreams. Maybe you forget them quickly.”

Maven glances at me, “I barely sleep. If I dreamt, I’d remember.”

I hesitate again. Do I really want an answer? “Why take your dreams?”

“I used to have nightmares. They were an inconvenience.”

His face turns into his careful mask. The room slowly cools. My heart clenches. I grab his hand in his lap, “I’m sorry you’ve had to live through so much pain.”

I choke down the water and leave fast. _Now who’s a coward_.

* * *

 

I’m startled awake by a cough. The Arvens don’t cough. There’s never a sore throat among them. It must be a trait they interview for. I drop the book from my face. Maven’s standing at the edge of…

I remember dragging the mattress off of the frame and flipping the frame to its side. Hitting it with the manacles to break it into the pieces its formed out of. I wanted to smash the windows. They took the frame away.

Maven removes his scarf and gloves at the edge of the wall of books that I had built around my new lone mattress. His precious crown glints in the sunlight. The stress shines through in the usual ways. Still, he looks good in uniform. Sleek and confident.

“Where is it?”

I look around the mostly empty room, “Good question. What are you looking for?”

“The small glass bottle.”

Maven sounds calm, reasonable. He’s here for a visit, that’s all. _Make it easy for me, Mare._ He sits in a chair I didn’t hear him drag in and crosses his ankles. The badges reflect light onto the ceiling. I watch the light settle with him while running my fingers through my knotted tangled hair. Like I could ever compare looks with the King and win. I stopped bathing unless forced long ago. My fingers get stuck in a snarl before halfway.

“I want a trade.”

He tilts his head, watching me tear out gray, “Name it.”

“Another question. Another truth.”

Seconds, minutes, years pass. I want to destroy more things. I want an answer.

“Ask. If it’s worth the price, I’ll answer truthfully. Otherwise, I won’t answer.”

I force air through a throat tight with tears, “How do you live with yourself?”

Maven doesn’t react. Not even a twitch.

“All that death at your hands,” My voice cracks. “How do you wake up every day?” I hate being weak like this. There isn’t anything left but weakness. I can’t stand asking, but I can’t stand not knowing.

“Give me the bottle, first.”

I huff out a weak laugh and push over a pillow to dig into a small hole under it. The glass is meaningless. I wanted to see if I could steal it. I wonder how long he’s known I’ve had it. Another question for another trade, perhaps.

He leaves his chair and sits on the floor next to me. He takes the hand holding the contraband, not the item itself. Maven traces the scratches I’ve left there. I try to pull back, but his grip is steady. Tears fall down my face and I hate that I started this.

“She tried to break me of this habit.” Shocked, I search his face. He wears the sorrow I’m drowning in. “It always came back.”

He uses his other hand to wipe my cheek. I only cry harder.

“The cause is worth it,” He murmurs. “It’s as simple as that.” He trails his touch down my jaw. Down my neck. I’ve been frozen for days. Maven is nearly burning. “I can’t waste time questioning however much of me is real. They are my choices, regardless. The cause is worth it.”

I swallow hard, “I dreamt of Shade. The moment he was stabbed. He fell on top of me and his blood was--” A sob breaks, Maven’s steady caresses on my cuts never pause, “It was everywhere. I woke up choking on it.”

I surprise us both when I drag myself over. I hide my face in his shoulder while his arms wrap me into him. Piece by piece I warm up until the tears dry.

“I wasn’t supposed to be here this long,” His tone turns dry, but his hands continue to stroke my back, “Doubtless, my absence has started a war.”

The blush is instant. I move away, awkward but quick, wipe my face and avoid eye contact. Maven stands slowly. Something in him pops with the posture change. I blush harder, somehow.

He grabs his forgotten chair and is almost at the door. “Thank you,” I croak. He pauses to turn and look at me. His uniform is wrinkled and crown slightly ajar. Maven nods and disappears into the hall.

 

Hours later more of Julian’s books are stacked around me and the bed frame is back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst ahead

We’ve stopped for a night in a Red town. This has not been the first time of the coronation tour that the King has made a lowly place his home. To say the entourage was shocked at first is an understatement. Most recovered their masks quickly. Some retained their disdain. Ptolemus always looks pained around me. I’ve come to the habit of cracking my knuckles while staring at him.

The room in which I stay tonight is just as empty and boring as the one in Archeon. I wasn’t allowed to bring books with me. All I have is another long night staring at a blank ceiling or staring out a window. Sometimes my mind takes a break and I lose hours. I know I'm not asleep. I know I stare at one spot and disappear into thoughts until they dry up. Until I am empty. Then the loud knocking on my door, a warning to get dressed, brings Mare back.

Maven gives a speech at each town. Usually two a day. They are long affairs that unite the citizens of Norta against the Scarlet Guard. The Guard are terrorists that we the people will not placate or give in to. We will stand strong against them and grow to overcome them. The crowd cheers and I taste bile. Maven gathers more people to his entourage as the tour goes on. We stand behind him on a stage built for him and listen. We are mostly Silvers and the size of a small army. What is he doing and where are we going? There is always more than what Maven let's us see.

I turned towards this man. I cried to him when I don't cry to anyone. I asked for his help and trusted what he told me. I am as much of a fool as the sea of Reds in his crowds. I yank a pillow out from under me.

The bedroom door opens. I have my fingers in a small hole in the second pillow frozen in the act of ripping. A few gray feathers float onto Maven’s hair where he stands in the doorway. I stare him down and finish my work, biting when necessary. He shuts the door.

A third pillow destroyed. Feathers stick to the spit and blood streaking my shredded fingers. I clutch legs to lungs to keep from shrieking. The Arvens are crueler when I do. Shoves bruise, nails pierce, knees turn blue as I drop from weakness. The doorknob clicks and I jump. Was I screaming out loud? But nothing happens. I slowly raise my head to a pile of soft things next to me. I look up higher to Maven leaning against the closed door.

“Those are easier to replace than family plates.”

“I don’t want to play tonight,” I growl.

His gaze passes over the sea of gray I’ve caused, “Do you want to watch me burn things?”

I blink. The rage contained behind my teeth answers for me, “Burn this place down.”

Maven smiles.

* * *

 

We end up on the roof. The building is only two stories. No one trusts that I won’t jump. I don't trust that I won't. Could a person as weak as me land unbroken? Sentinels try to flank us, but Maven’s elegant hand wave keeps them back. The Arvens take the four points of the building from the ground in the snow. I hope pieces of them freeze off.

The King lightly prods a blanket and flames expand from a small hole. He writes his name on the next and mine after that. He doesn't touch the next two and they burn to ash fast. We are surrounded by light. I inch closer with an armful of blanket. How high can I make the flames on my own? I'll freely sleep on the wood floor if it means we burn everything else in this place. I'll freely burn instead. It’s a fair trade.

Maven’s clothing catches in spots and he doesn’t stop them for a long beat. Does he feel the same? Unnerved, I really look at him for the first time in days.

Haggard is what comes to mind. And angry. Can someone lose their mind from lack of sleep? Light flickers along sharp bones. Are his hands thinner, too? I lose myself to the brief gossip I catch between transports and stage and transports and empty bedrooms. Is the Guard nearby? Corvium?

My forearm catches. Maven douses everything lightening fast. The night is pitch black and his grip is on me.

“Be careful.” I haven’t heard him that alarmed since my Training battle against Evangeline.

“So now you don’t want to burn me?” All I can see is an outline searching my coat for holes.

He huffs and removes himself, “Not with all these cameras present. We are allies now, remember?”

“Allies under the stars. Ruining someone’s precious winter things.” I’m suddenly tired of this. Breaking, shredding, tearing, cutting, stabbing is never enough. Everything is always silently replaced. For once I want to leave an unrepairable crater in my wake.

_I am still here. Do not dismiss me. I still matter. I will not be forgotten._

My night vision has returned enough to make out Maven’s head tilted back and his gaze towards those stars. He looks so much like Cal my heart aches. I was never like this with him. I shoved my heart in a safe and buried it deep. I couldn't look at him without calculating the risks. We held each other at night and I avoided him during the day. I held him as he cried and shook from nightmares and ran so hard from what we could have been. He was right, I kept those letters for the wrong reasons.

_Am I worthy of being saved?_

Maven gives me scraps of attention and I sob in his lap. He lies to my people and I jump to the roof to be beside him. He smiles and I crave more. We have this in common where Cal and I didn’t: this night, this need to tear things apart, this rage. I swallow hard and blink tears away.

“Releasing it seems to make it worse, right?”

I glance back up to find him watching at me.

“Do what you need to. Don’t worry about what you leave behind. I’ll take care of it.”

Words gone, I nod. Maven’s gaze lingers before he leaves for the stairs. Sentinels sweep me up behind him and I’m relieved when left to my room. _Liar._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter Song](https://youtu.be/UR9nNrkWgAQ)  
>  
> 
> Solitary confinement has serious consequences for the people who live through it. Panic attacks, self-harm, suicidal thoughts and actions, depersonalization, disassociation, and more. These things aren't fought off through grit alone and it is insulting that Aveyard mostly chose to deal with it in that way. My Mare is going to suffer for a bit. If you're unsure if you can keep reading because of it, I can share with you what she's going to go through. Just leave a comment.  
> More info on the effects of solitary confinement [here](https://wp.nyu.edu/steinhardt-appsych_opus/effects-of-solitary-confinement-on-the-well-being-of-prison-inmates/).


	4. Chapter 4

“As of today, I decree the Measures lifted and abolished."  
  
Silence. Stares. The words barely sink in as he moves on.  
  
"They were the mistakes of a well-meaning king, but mistakes all the same.”  
  
Heads of the uninterested whip around. A few soft gasps. Some children are held higher.  
  
"I vow to protect the children of Norta. School buildings like this will be cared for. Teachers will receive higher pay. Supplies will be updated. A country is only as good as its most vulnerable. We will be there for our children, together."  
  
The crowd erupts. Maven leaves the cracked ancient school steps behind and walks into the crowd of factory workers. Of hands black with grime gripping his-- two, four, six to one. Of shoulders shaking with tears of relief.  
  
Did he pick the only factory town in the nation with a standing school building to broadcast this from?  
  
He never scowls or pushes them away. Maven's small entourage follows his slow steady pace. Any wind we catch does not blow away the stench of the bodies. Many of us cough or gag at the smell.  
  
How will caring for their school help the people that live here? That will not clean their food or skin.  
  
The few Silvers of this town are easy to spot in their finery within a mass of patchworked clothing and red chapped skin. I keep my hands locked at my side to discourage the Reds from trusting in me. Believing in me.  
  
What is he planning?  
  
We push through to the transports. “Maven!” I call out. My voice is lost amongst the continuing cheers. He ducks into his transport without a backward glance. I strangle a need to scream. Arvens shove me back to my place.

* * *

 

Unite against the Guard. The Measures were a mistake. Education is a priority. Red farmers, fishermen, factory workers receive the same treatment and attention as the Silvers that own them. Bruises bloom all over my body as I let loose at night. I can't remember where they've all come from. I can't remember more than sleepless pacing. I wait endlessly for the other shoe to drop.

Finally, I am called to his room again.

We’re staying in a Silver owned building. The door opens to a room much more beautiful than what Maven called home at Archeon. The walls are golden and art hangs on them. I pause long enough to recognize the form of a heart. All the art is of organs, actually. There’s a large bookcase around a corner full of curved spines and vases of fresh flowers. A large thick wooden table with enough carved chairs to host a feast. One empty room connects to another to another until I glimpse a bottle sitting on a bed and a white fist holding onto its neck.

I stop beside the bed and gaze down at Maven’s spread eagle form. His hair is everywhere, eyes are glassy, normally perfect clothes are wrinkled and his stomach peeks under a slightly raised shirt. Did he get taller again? As I note this the bottle slowly droops towards the mattress. I have to jump up slightly to grab it. Rum of some kind and enough gone to have the scene make sense. He gives me a slow grin, “Overwhelmed?”

“Started without me?” I take a pull and grit my teeth. I put the bottle on a table well out of his reach.

“I have news!” I wince at his volume.

“Good or bad?” I look around for the… On the bathroom sink is a golden cup for His Royal Highness to wash his mouth with. The soap dish is shaped like hand bones.

“I can’t tell you!” I can hear him perfectly over the pouring water.

“Now Maven, you invited me here. You want to tell me.” I place the cup in his still open hand and settle beside his shoulder. “So tell me.”

His blue eyes blink at me.

“I missed you.”

It’s my turn to blink at him.

“You’re blushing! You missed me!” He could rule the world with that grin alone. I break eye contact with the drunken idiot for a long minute.

“What did you miss about me?”

“Mare unguarded.”

“Call them off.”

His brow wrinkles. “That's up to you.”

It takes some moments for his words to make sense. I soften slightly. “You'll be in pain tomorrow. Drink the water.”

He stays down and moves the cup to his face. Expecting disaster, I grab it, too. “Can you sit up?” Maven shakes his head. I sigh and place it on the floor. Should have asked that first. “I need you to sit up. I can help you if you raise your arms.”

I shift around to the opposite side of the mattress. We do the back and forth heave and tug and he’s up. He immediately flags to the side and I lunge for his shoulders. He’s too heavy and we topple over. My arm is trapped under him and my legs are thrown over his hip.

“Oh. Hello,” He mumbles from a few inches away.

I sigh again, “You planned this didn't you?”

This smile is softer and hits as hard as the grin. “Maybe.” His eyes are halfway closed and blink slowly. His breathing is deeper and listening to it deepens mine. An errant curl rests in the middle of his forehead. He'll never remember this.

“You were right. I did miss you.”

“What did you miss?”

The boy under the crown. The gentle touches and gentler words. Cowardice steals my answer: _Everything_. I try to tug my arm out from under him. Trapped, “Why am I here, Maven?”

He brushes some hair out of my eyes, “Don’t you want to be?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. You’re complicated.”

“It’s yes or no, Mare. Not complicated.”

One more tug and nothing. Does rum turn a person into a boulder? “You’ve hurt me and you’ve helped me. You've hurt many many people and now you're helping them. I don’t know how I feel.”

His eyes close, “Then it’s working.”

I shake his shoulder, “My arm’s going to fall asleep if you fall asleep.”

“But I want you to stay.”

I freeze for a heartbeat. Two. “I can’t sleep here, remember?”

Maven grabs my thighs and rolls onto his back. They end up draped over his stomach and my stomach against his side. My arm is never getting out. “Who said that? Beds are made for sleeping.”

“You’re going to get me in trouble. People will know I slept here.”

“I’ll take care of it,” He breathes out. I have no idea what to do. Will the Sentinels drag me out if I don’t leave myself? I warm under his grip. Maybe if I wait, allow him a nap, he’ll wake up with more sense. Maven shifts his arm down until I lift my head to avoid it and find myself tucked into an elbow. Time ticks on. I curl a hand on his chest and let my eyes drift closed.


	5. Chapter 5

“Get up.”

Evangeline is staring down at me. I blink hard and she doesn't disappear. I look to the side and Maven is where I left him.

“I can't.”

She narrows her eyes, “You and your love are going to be in deep shit if you don’t leave now.”

I narrow mine, “My arm is under him and he's too heavy to move.”

Her eyes shift to her fiance’s slightly snoring form. I realize she must be in what she wears for sleep: plain gray top and bottoms that look soft and thick. She moves to the other side and finally lifts him enough that I wiggle free. My numb arm is dead weight.

“Follow me.” She disappears through the doorway towards the direction I came in. Her slippers muffle her steps and she could have left me by now.

I scramble off the bed, “Why are you here?”

“Someone had to fix this.”

She swings the door open to a hallway full of guards. I freeze. Evangeline’s as arrogant and stately as ever even with her hair sticking up slightly in the back from sleep, “Stay behind us. I’m walking her back.” All four of my Arvens glance at each other before waiting for us to pass. If I remember correctly, there are two stories between us and my closet sized cell. Why is she wasting this time on me?

I ease closer as we walk and ask softly, “What’s going on?”

“You’re being too obvious.” I start to move away when she grabs my arm and keeps me still. “Only months ago the court was ready for your slaughter,” Her voice gets rougher with anger as she goes on. “Now you openly spend the night in the King’s rooms?” 

My arm twitches at the reminder of its pins and needles. I’m unsure if it's better to let her believe we did something or to deny it.

“Why are you helping us?”

Evangeline is silent.

“I pushed you towards him months ago.” I stumble for a second in alarm at her honesty. “You witnessed only a glimpse of his insanity. After the Queen’s death, he was barely recognizable.”

“And I deserved that punishment,” I growl.

“His obsession with you was supposed to overwhelm him. It did, for a while.” She finally looks at me. Her eyes scan me fully and leave me nakedly aware of what I’ve become here. Weak. Inferior. “But something has changed. He’s more in control of himself.”

We find the stairs and I huff out, “Why tell me this?”

She speaks with ease, “I am more than sharp points on beautiful dresses. I want political clout. He won’t listen to me. Get him to and I’ll help shield your freakshow from, well, everyone.”

I recognize my hallway. Thinking fast, “Only if I know what I’m pushing him towards.”

Evangeline’s jaw clenches. I speak before she can, “I want time. Visits from you. Twice a week.”

Her glare should have killed me on the spot. I can see my door now. “Once.”

“Do you have that little to say?”

We stop and I should be dead twice over. “I don’t care about your loneliness.” I barely stifle a wince. “I’ll say what I need to in one visit a week.”

I hold her stare, “Done.” She pushes the door open for me. I watch it close. What did I just do?

* * *

 

I can hear people calling my name through my room windows. There’s never someone there that I can see. Sometimes I turn towards the voice to find a wall instead. I don’t know why whoever wants my attention also hides when they have it. Once, I swear it was my mother. Maybe more than once. But that can't be.   
  
Maven is good to his word. I can do what I want to my rooms. They leave me alone while I do so and nothing is taken away afterwards. Does he understand how empty that feels? I want to sleep on hard floors. I want some kind of punishment. I want slivers of myself to be cut off until I am nothing.

I can't even get answers from him. Are the Measures gone? Is he taking care of his people? How could he? It can't be real. I stood there beside a wasted King and crawled onto his bed. None of this is real.   
  
Evangeline thinks I have more power than I do. Or she did. She hasn't been back in days. She may have caught on. I don't know if I can push Maven to anything. We don't talk about politics. He doesn't ask for advice.   
  
I want the information Evangeline has more than the protection.

I’m startled by a knock on the door. No one knocks. Evangeline bursts in. She’s wrapped in fur head to toe. “We’re going outside. Get dressed.” 

* * *

 

She says nothing as we troop outside. We had to wait for the two off duty Arvens to join us. She tapped her feet impatiently as though that would change my station. My hideous red coat barely stops the snow. Thankfully it wraps to my ankles and my boots are thick. The snow is half a foot deep. I have my hands shoved in my pockets and chin in my collar as far as it’ll stretch.

“Give me some fur or I’m risking the cameras inside.” I’m shaking so much my words barely make sense.

Evangeline rolls her eyes and unwraps some kind of scarf that I grab greedily. Its warm from her. We’ve wandered far enough from the building to be heard from an open window or cracked door. That makes the Arvens circle nervously. Evangeline scared them away with reminders that she’s the future Queen. It’s somewhat reassuring that they still consider me dangerous.

We walk with our backs to the wind in a slow pace around the building. Fat snowflakes swirl around us. “Ending the Measurements was a good tactic. They were rather cruel, afterall.” I try to stare at her and avoid ice at the same time. “It reminded the Reds of their place for a few months before pulling back again. They see how much better it is to remain friends with us instead of joining the Guard.”

“But?”

She shakes her head. “Not yet. Then he doubled down with the school announcement. Still, not much to worry about. Painting a few schools and using it for propaganda won't take much effort. Calore VI let the schools go to rot. Bare minimum repair will look incredible. It'll please the Reds. A good move.” She tilts her head, “But, each slum we’ve left behind has gotten a little cleaner in the days since.” My boot starts to slip and she grabs my arm with both hands.

“If this is more than propaganda. If Maven is doing more than he's proclaiming to the people…” Evangeline’s eyes stare into mine. “My family controls the metal trade. Whatever he’s planning, we want to know it. We want a say.”

“What has he done with the slums so far?”

She stomps her feet and we keep moving. “Washing the buildings. Broken windows have been replaced. We suspect a few broken heaters have been repaired. There's a lot more to do and it doesn't seem to be stopping soon.”

“Why haven't your people done this? Why aren't they now?”

She glances at me. “The work quality hasn't dropped. Why change what works?”

I dig my nails into my palms. Cameron would take her down. The crunching of our footsteps whiteouts my violent urges after a few silent paces. Finally, “Make sure I can get to him more often. I will do what I can.”

“Do better.”

We have come full circle and head towards the front doors.

“Mare!” I jump and twist fast. No one here ever uses my name. The wind whips through me and the rest of the world is silent. I stand now inches from Evangeline. Our arms almost touch.

“Didn’t you hear that?” I whisper.

Evangeline scans me head to toe and turns to examine the guards. The four Arvents glance at me and return to scanning our area. “No.”

On the walk back to my room, I wonder what idiotic newblood is trying to get my attention so poorly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter Song](https://youtu.be/YuPzpoC3QNc)


	6. Chapter 6

I hate standing on the stage. All those upturned faces and unblinking eyes. Pinning me to my place behind and to the left of Maven. Close enough to touch. I can almost feel their touch. Desperate hands raking down my clothes. These people need and I don't have enough to give. Nails digging into my skin. Teeth ripping out chunks.

My death lasts for days. I die in their mouths.   
  
I am shoved sharply forward and my forearm stops me from fully hitting the transport. A Sentinel's hand drops from the roof and pushes me backwards by the shoulder. Evangeline's voice is behind me, "She has to speak to His Majesty."   
  
I watch them stare at each other before the Sentinel's hand retreats and they return to watching the distance. Evangline nods at me and leaves quickly to her door.

I slide inside. He’s sitting opposite, one glove off, eyebrows raised.

“Yes?”

I quirk an eyebrow, “I missed you.”

His expression closes off. Blue eyes flicker over me, reading intent in posture and tone. I try to stay open, but that's what a liar would do too. I knock our knees together, but don’t knock out a smile. He tucks gloves into pockets.

“You left first, Mare.”

“I would have left before you fell asleep if I was given a choice.”

He stills, “Ah, that part wasn’t a dream.”

I snicker, “No.”

The transport windows start to fog. It warms enough that I loosen my coat. Maven unsnaps his cloak and carefully folds the red fabric. I touch it after he drops it in a drawer under his seat. Rougher than it looks. I sit up to him watching me.

“You never said what the good news is.”

He leans back and tucks a foot onto the seat beside me, “Surely you have enough hints to guess.” He takes off his crown and spins it. The gems softly sparkle.

“You're putting actions to words. Earning the love of the Reds.”

“Am I?”

“The slums are being cleaned. Children aren't being sent to war anymore.”

His posture is a little less relaxed. I reach forward slowly and wait for him to back away. Instead he stills and I examine the flames. So many lives lost over colored glass and metal.

“The last batch of books I received discussed the cost of war. The prices of planes and bombs. Do you read what you give me?”

“I read them years before. Before Julian gave up on me.”

The leg beside me bounces slighty. I lightly brush a spire expecting to bleed. A drop forms on my fingertip, but it doesn't hurt. I stick my finger in my mouth and hand the crown back.

“War is expensive. Genocide is expensive.”

Maven’s head is down as he closes the drawer. His thick hair almost covers his forehead. His lashes fan his cheeks before he looks up and smiles. It finally reaches his eyes. “It is.”

“It would cost less to pay teachers than healers.” I tap my fingers along his shin bone. “I wish you would.”

He leans forward and his gaze stops me, “How would you feel if I were to?”

He isn't as close to me as he had been that last night, but I can't stop myself from thinking about it. The truth tumbles out, “Frustrated. This is a ploy to you. So what if the people can read? They still live in dirt with broken backs. You only want the Scarlet Guard to die out.”

“That is our only option? Things in Norta stay the same and the country is taken over by rebels?” The mocking lilt makes it worse. Which one is he: the boy who misses me or the King with the watchful eyes? “Change could come for the better, but you don't like the ruler's intent so therefore it can't happen?”

Fury engulfs me in a breath, “You slept on my arm when I said ‘no’.”

He glances down at it.

“When I am called to your rooms, I have no say in whether I go. No say in when or how often. You know what happens when I am alone.” My throat tries to close. I growl out, “I am always alone.” Tears drop too fast to stop with my hands. I hide them in my shoulder. Weight on the seat knocks my side into something solid and warmer than the transport walls.

“No. I’m mad at you.”

“You don't have to be anything else. I still want to hold you.”

I twist and press myself into his neck. Arms wrap under my coat and I settle in his lap.

“Tell me more.”

“I am nothing here. I mean nothing. The Arvens don't react to me anymore. I'm not strong enough to fight them. I never was.” I clutch at him hard. Tears stain what little of him that I can see. Tears run down my chin. “What am I without this anger? And when I use it it does nothing!”

“What would you do if you could?” He mumbles as he strokes my lower back. His movements are steady. Nothing I say stops him.

“Break Archeon apart. I want to shatter the walls that separate your world from ours. I want to stomp Silver faces in river mud. Cross the Choke and break each Lakelander I see. Force these manacles down your throat. Dig Ptolemus’s heart out and preserve it on a shelf above my kitchen table.”

Maven’s laughter tickles my ear. “We can do some of that.”

“I’m not playing a game of ‘we’.” The irony hits me, there on top of him, but I won't take it back.

“I’m sorry.”

I freeze, “What?”

Voice still low, still soft, “Mother ignored my ‘no’s.” My fingers dig a little more into his shirt. My breath is a little harder on his neck. “I forgot how important they are. What it means to say them and be heard. I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”

“Oh.”

One hand moves into my hair. It feels like he's spinning it and it tickles. “I meant what I said all those months ago. Mother’s reach wasn’t infinite. There had to have been someone who understood what she put me through. Who turned away and let her sculpt me. I want to break them too. Strength and power is a cloak covering abuse.” I shiver slightly at his words and the light touches along my spine.

I wipe my face with my sleeve. “I miss my family. I hope they’re okay. My brothers will have thrown themselves into the Guard. If anyone’s still fighting to get me out, they’ll be in the thick of it.”

He hums, “Norta is a joke. Every town is decrepit. The people can't even read. I  _ am  _ paying teachers. I don't want to rule a country this dirty and be proud of it. The changes should calm the Guard for now.”

A hand travels to my thigh. I lift it and trace the palm lines. “Work with Evangeline.”

His hand folds over mine and we weave together. “And why is that?”

“You can’t stop Farley with small actions. She’s coming for your head. You need people on your side. Learn something from your Mother. Trust your future wife.”

“Is that what you two have been talking about?”

I force myself to keep breathing calmly. Four in four out.

“What do you get in return?”

“Information.”

He laughs, “Your weakness.” He kisses the back of my hand.

I push against his chest, “Shut up.”

He does. I haven't been this warm in a long time. His thumb rubs circles on my hand. His arm rests around my waist. Is that his heart beating or mine? My eyes drift closed.

“Wake up, love.”

I yawn and am moved gently off of Maven. He moves around while I rub my eyes. Suddenly, he kisses me on the cheek, opens the transport doors, and is gone.

I blink for a while. Am I supposed to follow? The opposite doors open and Evangeline is glaring at me. “Get out here already.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter Song](https://youtu.be/49lY0HqqUVc)
> 
> [Mare after her nap](https://bsmr261.tumblr.com/post/182868652049)


	7. Chapter 7

At lunchtime no food is in Trio's hands. Instead he asks in his monotone, "Would you like to go to the library?"   
  
I blink. And again.  _ Would? Like to? _ When was the last time Trio even spoke to me?   
  
He switches to the more usual irritated impatience, "Answer me."   
  
"Yes."    
  
They shut the door behind me and I know my guards are outside both of the doors that I can see. They asked if I wanted to go. Do I decide when I get to leave? Am I trapped in this room or are they protecting me from the world outside?

There is no library in the Stilts (what a joke to think of books and the Stilts in the same sentence) and if I visited any Silver libraries I don't remember them. I wish I could have seen Julian's full one before… Well, before. This library is probably small. The room is the size of what I assume to be a modest Silver's bedroom and a royal Silver's bath. There is a fire in the fireplace already going and most of the chairs in here are arranged around it.

The maybe twenty bookshelves are full and unclearly organized. I pull out random ones at first hoping for a secret door. Where I would even go from there, I have no idea. I don’t even have shoes on. I scan for a helpful title:  _ Maintain and Build Muscle While Slowly Dying, Fight Moves to Incapacitate Silvers as a Powerless Red, Build a Gun out of Blankets and Hatred, What to do When He Apologizes While Committing Genocide. _   
  
I settle in a chair and flip through a book on local birds. There are a lot of pictures and I tried to remember the ones I have seen in the Stilts. But that home was too sad. I didn't spend a lot of time looking at the sky. Eventually, I couldn't focus on them. I left the book open on my lap.    
  
Maven said his mother sculpted him. That she ignored his wishes. He can't dream or stop hurting himself. He never learned to walk; he was forced to. How did these two boys survive? Did she do anything to Cal? How much of Cal is himself? Did Tiberias VI love Maven or did Elara mess with that too? Does Cal love Maven? The only times we spoke of him at Tuck was to plan his death...   
  
I wish I'd listened to him more. Why didn't I listen? Why didn't I ask? What I would give right now to tell him the truth. To sit beside him and let him speak.   
  
The door opens. I look up expecting an Arven and find Wren instead. She looks as uncertain as I feel. Should I say something? Am I more intimidating in silence or words?   
  
"Are you looking for me?"   
  
She shakes her head, "No. I came here to read. I didn't know you were here."   
  
And she came in anyway. I remember her hands soothing my aches and then holding down my ankles as they put on the manacles. She didn't shrink away then either. I drop my eyes back to my small stack. I pick up one with a green cover for the color. Dracula. Is this even in English? I put it back.   
  
"What do you like to read?"   
  
Wren had moved closer to the shelves to the left of the door. I could see the edge of her smile. "Romantic mysteries." She leans closer to a spine. She has on a soft green dress that is definitely not her house color. Her hair is braided in a crown that loops around the back of her head. She looks like the heroine in a romance. "And you?"   
  
"Mythology." The answer surprises me. We went over the myths in school years ago. I loved it.   
  
She turns and her smile is warm. "How interesting." Her gaze sweeps around the room. “Do you recognize any books on mythology in here? I'd love to read a good one and I can trade a mystery.”

I never tried mystery. I barely read anything, but Shade's letters after quitting school. Julian's books are all on war or history. I look around the room too. “Okay.”

After three full bookshelves, I recognize one, “I'm not sure how accurate this is,” I say while holding it out to her. “It was used to teach Reds.”

She takes it and passes a small paperback to me. “I know very little on the subject. At the least, it will be a beginner book for me.”

We settle down in our chosen seats in front of the fireplace. A castle. Two dead Silvers. One handsome rogue. I make it through 17 pages before my mind wanders.

“Wren?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you deliver a letter to Maven for me?”

She looks up with wide eyes. “Oh. Um…”

“It won't be poisoned or anything. I can write it right here. I don't want a hundred eyes to read it before it gets it him.”

She sticks a finger in her book before closing it. “Is Evangeline right? Are you two together?”

I lift my wrist. The manacle falls lower on my forearm than it used to. “How can we be with these?”

She glances from it to my socked feet. “How are you? How's your appetite? Your sleep?”

I smile, “Bad all around.”

She frowns, “Do you mind if I try to check on you?”

“If the Silence doesn't stop you, go right ahead.”

She stands and steps closer. Her frown deepens into a scowl when she stops in front of me. “I can't work through this. Write that letter. I'll get it to him.”

She hands me a pen that was hidden in a pocket. I rip out a blank page from the back of the paperback. We exchanges slightly guilty glances and I shrug.

 

_ Maven, _

_ I suppose you're the reason I'm in the library. I'm here looking for answers. Will you help me? _

* * *

 

The finished letter is in Wren's pocket by the fireplace where she still reads. I can't stick to a single book for very long. I drop another one at my feet with a sigh.

“It's the Silent Stone, not you.” Wren says softly.

“What?”

She holds up a finger and I wait. She has on a gold ring that covers the full finger and looks like vines. When she puts the book down, she turns to face me and says, “Sorry. I wanted to finish the page, but didn't want to hear you sigh more. The Stone does a lot of damage over prolonged periods. It's why we used to only use it on our worst prisoners.” The scowl is back.

“What damage?”

“Lethargy, weight loss,” She ticks them off. “Hair loss, mostly from the weight loss, depression, hallucinations, and that's just the start.”

I stand up, knocking books over, and start to pace. Wren watches me.

I lick my lips and manage to whisper, “Say I've imagined being eaten alive by dead things. Say it was like a dream, but I was awake. That it felt real.” I stop beside her chair and the words are low. “That I felt their teeth. Is that a hallucination?”

Wren stands. Her face is serious as she moves me gently into her chair. “Maybe.” Her hands sift through my hair. I wait and try not to screw anything up.

The door behind us opens again and I jump.

“Tolly,” Wren's voice is sharp. “We have an errand to run.”

I jerk around. Ptolemus is in the doorframe. His surprised look twitches into irritation when he notices me. Wren grabs her book and walks over to him while we glare at each other.

“Thank you again for the book, Mare.” Her smile is as warm as ever. I hesitate, but wave. They leave with a sharp slam.

What just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shifting canon around slightly for wren and ptolemus. I have no regrets.
> 
> Wren and Maven's conversation [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18356165).


	8. Chapter 8

“Mare!”

I swing around, plate shard held high in my fist. Evangeline is a few paces away. Her hands are up and out to grab something, but all she has is air. A sharp pain brings my focus to my hand. Blood and white powder mix and drip to my elbow. I drop the shard.

“W-What's going on?”

“You were attacking the wall.” She gestures. I look to my right and… Oh.

There's a carved out hole in the drywall almost as big as my head. Its ragged and ugly and there's sweeps of red blood all over. My left hand is shredded and pink. My chest, waist, legs are covered in dust.

“What's going on?”

“You tell me.”

Fear climbs up my throat and I'm shaking as I sob out, “I don't remember.”

Her eyebrows drop slowly with her hands as I continue not to jump her. My hands dig into my ribs and the pain makes me cry harder. “Stay there.” Water runs. I stare at the blood on the lavender flower wallpaper. One of the carvings comes into focus. Nix. Another. Elara. I gasp and fall over. Nanny.

They're all names of the dead.

“Look at me.” She's back, crouching and holding out a towel. “I can't get much closer without my dress falling off. Take the towel. Wash off what you can. I'm drawing you a bath.”

Now that she's mentioned it, I realize the water never stopped running. I take the towel.

“Good. Follow me.”

I end up sitting on the closed toilet while she rummages through the guest shampoos and drawers. The bathroom smells like flowers and the water is light pink when she's done. I managed to mostly clean my arms, but one glance in the mirror proves I'll never get all the dust out of my hair.

Evangeline turns the water off. “You're getting in and we're going to talk while you wash yourself.”

I glance at the colored, but still not opaque water. “Through the door?”

She rolls her eyes. “You have nothing I want to see, Barrow.”

I stare at her.

“So put on a towel!”

“Get out while I get in.”

She scans the bathroom again. For sharp objects? I know she moved the gem soap dish. Unfortunately, the mirror is too big to covertly remove. I don't blame her. I would have taken it too. She nods once and the door shuts behind her.

I peel my shirt off carefully before really seeing the blood stains. They continue to spread from my grip on the fabric. Why won't the dead leave me alone?

_ The cause is worth it _ .

But the cause has left me behind.

A knock at the door jerks me back to myself. “Are you in the water?”

“No.”

“I'm coming in.”

I lunge for a towel, but don't have it unfolded before Evangeline is in the bathroom. She sees the same stains I do. Some part of that rigid spine softens. She looks away until the towel is wrapped around my torso.

“I knew you were too injured for this.”

“Why are you doing this?”

The rings and circlets and spikes along her arms fall into a neat pile at her feet. She steps out of her jeweled heels.

“Wren is a good friend. If she saw me leave you in here alone after that,” she jerks her chin towards the door. “We wouldn't be good friends anymore. I'm going to help you get undressed. You're going to tell me what happened. Okay?” Mentioning Wren makes me a little less afraid. What happened after she left?

I nod.

“Did anyone hurt you?” She moves forward slowly and unbuttons my pants while I stare over her head.

“I don't think so.”

“Did an Arven physically touch you or say something cruel?” I have to hold on to her shoulders as she takes off my socks.

“They don't speak. No one touched me.”

“Did you take your bra off?” I shake my head. She moves behind me to unhook it.

“Get in.”

The water's hot. I shiver as I sink into it. The towel tries to float off, but I wrangle it down. Evangeline settles on the toilet. The savage future Queen of Norta on the toilet. Weird.

“Was Maven here? Did he say or do anything to you?”

I smell the soap options. “Being around him makes me feel better. He wasn't here. I haven't seen him since you shoved me into his transport.”

I've managed to keep my broken hands above the water, but I can't wash myself without them. Evangeline sighs. “Dunk your hair and give me the shampoo.”

I stare at her. “Are you going to rip my hair out?”

She frowns and I glance at spikes along her shoulder, “I will if you ask that again.”

I maneuver around until she can scrub my head without the Stone hitting her as hard. The shampoo smells like strawberries and I'm swallowing back tears. Gisa always smells like strawberries. Did I carve her into the wall? Has a part of me given up on seeing her again? I sniffle loudly.

“I have a letter from Maven.” I twist so fast she yells. “Your hair is too knotted for you to do that, Barrow. Wait a second.” A strand of hair hit me in the eye and I blink away tears of a different kind. The letter is in front of my face, being held by a soapy hand.

 

_ Mare, _   
  
My name is a giant flourish. The rest is scribbled. I roll my eyes.   
  
_ I will answer your questions. I listed my own below. _ __   
__   
_ Have I healed since Mother's death? _ __   
__   
_ I'm not sure. I'm not sure I can. _ __   
__   
_ What did Mother do to Cal? _ __   
__   
_ I know she was isolating me from Cal. She encouraged my jealousy. She would cut me down to nothing comparing us and then feed me compliments as a pseudo apology. We'll never know what hand she played in his psyche, but I'm sure it was something similar. _ __   
__   
_ Do you prefer visiting the library or having books be delivered to you? _ __   
_ Is your regular and winter clothing suitably warm? _ _   
_ __ Please describe your hallucinations.

_ I'll be free to see you in two days. Would you like to see me? _

 

“Dunk your head.”

I do. On the third drop the faint sound of the water crashing above knocks out the memory.

“They called me!” I gasp and kick and spin.

“What?” Evangeline grabs my arms as I try to grab her.

I sob, “The people. The voices. They keep calling through the walls.”

“Who?” Her grip keeps me from falling. Her gray eyes searching mine keep me talking.

“I don't know! They follow us through every town. I had to know who it was. I tried to cut through the walls.”

“Okay.” She pushes me back slowly and releases me. I've never seen her look so concerned. I rub my eyes and gasp. It felt so real. “Okay. Turn around. I'll finish your hair.”

I lean my head against the side and cry.

* * *

 

Evangeline's holding my hands. She used her metal to make strips of a towel. They're wrapped up tightly, but I can tell it isn't a good enough binding.

“I think I need stitches.”

She already paced the room muttering to herself while I dressed with one hand. Now her gray eyes burn into mine. Whatever you're thinking, Evangeline, let me sleep.

“We need Ptolemus.”

“No.” She watches me with no reaction. I snarl, “No!” I try to wrench away, but her grip is iron.

“I've seen the way the Arvens treat you. Do you want them to see this room? I don't know how to fix it. It isn't as easy as hanging a painting over it!”

I keep my eyes on her. I can't look at my work any more.

She shakes me, “You're hallucinating. You're hurting yourself. Mare, you're trusting me. Something is wrong that I don't know how to fix.”

I clench my jaw.

“Ptolemus will know what to do.”

How did I let myself get here? Why didn't I fight harder to keep it in?

I close my eyes. “Fine.”

Evangeline finds her heels, replaces her armor, and straightens her pony. I try to hide my bandages in my sleeves. She walks through that door like nothing has changed or ever will. I put my court face on. Do people even buy it anymore?   
  
"We're going to my rooms. Walk behind us."   
  
Kitten sneers, "You don't control us."   
  
Evangeline's tone has more bite. She will never give away power, "I do once a week. Walk behind us."

Kitten watches us pass with hatred in her eyes. They follow. I tried to keep the relief out of my breath, my posture. Act normal. Act bored. Act crazy. Don’t look at my hands.

Is Evangeline going to tell Maven? Do I want him to know? Wren told him something. He asked for details. She doesn't know the truth. Will he still want me broken like him? Do I want him to?

_ I'm sorry. _

For one sharp second I feel two hands press against my back. The heat of my breath against his skin. The quick kiss on my cheek.

_ Would you like to see me? _

“Why did you have Maven's letter?”

Evangeline glares behind us until the Arvens back off. “He knows we have an agreement. He said until it dissolves I can be the Mare Barrow errand girl.”

I hide a laugh, but not very well, “I had no part in that. I told him to trust you.”

“What did he tell you in that transport ride?”

A surprising reluctance stops my tongue. There is a lot of power in knowing just how broken Maven Calore is. For once I want to… protect it?

“The agreement is your information for my work not the other way around.”

She stops and I think she’s given up on this insane need to fix me, but no we are standing in front of a door. She knocks twice, opens, and shuts it fast behind us. Ptolemus is sitting at a desk writing something. He looks over his sister and takes in me. She stops him before he can do more than breathe, “I need a favor.”

He puts down his pen. “What kind of favor?”

“A seventh birthday.”

His glaring face turns into surprise. “Tell me.”

 

* * *

“Mare.”

For the second time that day, I came to to my name. I was stretched out on Ptolemus's chaise. Evangeline had been sharing the details of today with him and I couldn't stand to listen or watch my brother's killer know something so intimate about me. But. This is the only help I've received and I am done losing myself. Even if it comes in such an odious package, I'll take it. So I kicked my feet all over his blankets, rubbed my body all over the pillows, and fell asleep.

I lift the pillow from my face. Wren is standing beside me looking down. She wasn't here when I fell asleep.

“We need you to write Maven a letter.”

I sit up. Ptolemus is on his bed cleaning his nails with something. Evangeline is twisting and untwisting some metal. Neither of them are looking at me, but their attention has to be on us.

“Saying what?”

“You wish to stay with us from now on.”

“I do?”

Wrens hands grasp mine and flip them. The strips are gone. The cuts are healed. Her eyes are soft. How is anyone in this court soft?

“Yes. You do. I'm ending this.”

I gulp. My pulse picks up. I can hear it in my head, and feel it in my fingers. None of them move. None of them change in any way.

“What do you want?”

“First, get House Samos back in power. Second, leave your grudge against Ptolemus behind you.”

A giggle escapes me and grows into laughter, “A life for a life?” They're all staring now. I wipe sleep and tears from my eyes.

“I want a free shot. At any time, any place, all my decision.”

He snarls, “Deal.”

Wren glares at him, “You can't hit her back.”

He blinks and looks down at his nails, “I heard.”

When she looks back her eyes are soft again. I want to itch at the pity, but it's a comfort. Her compassion bleeds through every inch.

“Anything else?”

“Not the entire House Samos.”

Evangeline's smile is made for the executioner’s ring. “Just us.”

“And five hits.”

“Three. At different times. You can't kill him.” Wren says quickly. Ptolemus's head whips between the two.

I pause.

“Deal.”

 

* * *

 

_ Maven, _

_ Evangeline delivered your letter and saw me at my worst. It scared her. It scared Wren. It scares me. They want to help and I want to accept it. Allow me to stay with them. Let one of us heal. _

_ I want to see you in two days. I'll tell you more then. _

_Mare_

_ P.S. Library is better and no they are not. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ Chapter Song ](https://youtu.be/DTu3mCK54C4)


	9. Part Two

“I want to believe that something has changed and that you two have been good to each other.” Her fingers smooth down the hair behind my ears and the sharp pain jabbing my right eye socket dulls. “The only proof either of you have is your word. You've been his prisoner for months. That's not good enough.”

She finds another spot on my skull and tension eases out of my jaw and neck. “If you want to see him when you are in a better place, by all means.”

“What is a ‘better place’?” I ask in a breathier voice than intended.

“The Silent Stone is gone. The black outs, hallucinations, and possible flashbacks have all diminished.” The mattress moves as she shifts and I open my eyes. Her long sleeve orange dress makes her dark skin glow in the shadowed room. Gold clips hold back some of her curls. The rest fly free. “Think of it as when you finally feel like yourself again.”

I’m in one of Evangeline’s rooms, one of her soft beds, swaddled in a thick downy comforter. I have an alliance with the Samos siblings. I will never feel like myself.

My breathing hitches in the familiar way, “Do you have a date?”

“No.”

“An idea of a date?”

She hesitates. I see it in her eyes, her uncertain mouth. “Two, three months.”

I sit up and Wren straightens. Her orange dress is overwhelmed by black spots and I pitch forward, gasping. She presses my shoulders back to the mattress and the room stops spinning.

“That's too long.”

“That's the modest estimate.”

“I need to see my family, Wren.”

“Then rest.” She smooths her hands over my skin again. “Do what they tell you to. You'll heal faster if you trust me.”

“Can't you heal me faster?” I can't keep the pleading from my voice. Who am I kidding? I don't even try. The numbers bounce through every thought.  _ Three months. _

“I will not make myself sick pouring everything I have into you. You aren't my only patient, Mare.”   
  
Her tone is gentle, but it still stings. Guilt rises like bile.   
  
“Who's ‘they’?”   
  
She looks over her shoulder, but the room is too dark to see clearly. Now that I am looking for it, there is a shadow in the shape of a person beside the door. "This is Dawn. She's one of my interns."   
  
Dawn moves forward and she wears the usual uniform of a Red servant. She has a pad clasped to her chest. "One of four." She holds out her hand. I take it and receive the most impressive handshake of my life.  "We'll be checking in on you throughout the next couple weeks to make sure your healing is on track."   
  
Wren takes Dawn's pad and inspects it. If Dawn is uncomfortable with a powerful Silver that close to her, I don't see it. She looks as open and as confident as her handshake. Maybe Dawn trusts Wren, but I have no reason to trust Dawn. Almost like she senses this thought, Wren turns her attention back to me.   
  
"They'll only do what you give them permission to. You say no and it stops."   
  
Dawn nods. "Wren's policy. We all know it."   
  
They share a small smile.

“Now, how about we remove one of these?”

Alarmed, I sit up barely an inch before dropping back down remembering the circling walls. I thrust my left arm into Wren's lap. Quickly a key clicks and the manacle falls into Dawn's hand. My arm is lighter than air. I cover my eyes with it and choke out, “Thank you.”

The comforter is moved up my chest for me. “Rest.” The door clicks shut. I burrow deeper to hug my knees. Three months. The time it takes to heal will double the length I've been chained here. I want the open air of Notch. The hum of a helicopter engine in my ears and the power running it lovingly brushing my fingertips. Fire at my back and the fear of gods at my front. Or the constant churning of the Capital River. Gisa’s steady snoring and that rattle of dad's metal lung that I forget about until the dead of night. The buzz of the fridge lulling me to sleep.

Still. Finally. There's hope. I can taste it. It dries up my tears and carries me to unconsciousness.

 

* * *

 

  
  


A knock on the door and a pause. I'm getting used to people waiting for permission again.

“Who is it?”

“Wren.”

I sink a little deeper into the warm glitter strewn bubbles. I used some of Evangeline's stash. “Come in.”

Wren walks over casually. How many Silver bubble baths has she interrupted for that lack of reaction? Her dress is light blue this time and she wears a dark green cloak that she promptly unties and leaves folded on the floor.

“Are you here to teach me more things?”

“First, I have this.” She pulls paper from a pocket and hands it to me. I have to hold it high and by the very edges to keep it from soaking or smearing the ink. 

  
  
  


_ Mare, _

_ I will not be seeing you on the day we agreed.  Wren has made it very clear that I have been around you enough. Would you still like to write to each other? _

_ Maven _

  
  


I smooth a thumb over the first line and immediately regret it. Wren is examining her nails and pretending not to watch me.

Looking up, she asks, “I’ve had a long day. May I stick my feet in your bath?”

There's still a thick cover of bubbles. I nod. When she settles on the edge of the tub, her dress hovers on the top of the water. Her feet touch my calf and then float away. I carefully fold and place the paper on the floor, and go back to building bubble piles.   
  
"What did you say to him?"   
  
Wren’s next kick creates waves and finally drags the wet fabric under, “I suspect we both know by now that Maven is off kilter.” I don’t disagree or feign surprise. She goes on, “I've seen him in every mood. I've watched him succumb to grief with the Queen’s death, and, ultimately, the Stone as you did."

I blink and the bubbles become a jeering crowd; the water lapping my throat is a metal collar. Blue eyes rake over my kneeling body, rage twists his mouth.

"I told you both the same thing. Under my care, you will not be seeing each other until you heal."   
  
I suck in a breath. "What happened?"   
  
She smiles at the water. "He tried to argue. He's... devoted."   
  
"But you're okay?"   
  
Now she smiles at me. "I'm the King's personal healer for a reason, Mare. I can handle myself.” Her fly away curls are becoming frizzy in the humidity. Her dress has got to be mostly soaked through by now. Her smile is still sweet. Her powers are made to protect instead of harm. And that's what she does. We're the same age, but nothing alike.

“What was he like?” It comes out as a whisper. “After I was locked away. After I killed her.”

Wren’s feet ghost past my legs again. The touch knocks the aching in my chest away somewhat.

“You should hear that from him, not me. If his feelings matter to you, ask him.”

“In three months.”

Wren snorts, “Or in a letter, Mare.”

I let out a breath that clears a path through the bubbles.

“How long have you been in this bath?”

I try remember the time that I went in and to make sense of what time has passed, but Wren interrupts, “Too long, then.” She stands and attempts to ring the water out. “Come on. Time for a lesson.”

"What today?"   
  
"Bandaging."

“Are the interns out there?”

“No. You can tell them to leave. You don't have to hide in the bathroom.” She gives up on the dress and picks up her cloak and shoes.

“I'm not hiding.” I mutter after she's gone.

 

* * *

 

 

Maven,

I would. I have more questions below.

One manacle was removed two days ago. I've been sleeping ever since. I dreamt that Shade told me a joke. I woke up laughing.

Wren has been teaching me how to care for wounds in battle. I know what to do if we turn on each other again. I haven't learned what to do with a drunk to keep them from choking on their own tongue. Yet.

Tell me, are you happy I'm going to be free?

Mare

  
  
  
  
  


Mare,

No, I'm not sleeping. Yes, I am drinking. I believe I grew another inch. (You are mothering me more than my own mother.) I have a grandmother and a few cousins, but no one close. Didn't you pay attention in those classes? They were almost your family too.

Julian cared more for exposing Mother than stopping her. He didn't consider what angering her would do to us. He pushed for his beloved Sara Skonos and not his nephews. We both gave up on each other.

I haven't had time to feel anything. I've had to defend the decision to my advisors repeatedly. You are havoc to my administration.

Are you eating/sleeping/growing? Tell me about your family. What would you like to do while you're still around?

Maven

  
  
  
  
  


Mav,

My Stone is coming off. You would sleep with it if you could. I'm only now learning what it  ~~ did to me ~~ is doing to me. What it's doing to you. These letters aren't enough. I want to know how you are.

Writing down what I want to do would be an evidence trail. You'll have to ask in person.

I sleep like the dead now. Wren gives me soup. So much soup. Too much soup. Drowning in soup. Can one grow taller from soup? My theory is they shrink.

My family… I don't know where to start. I asked Bree once to pull my baby tooth because I was scared. It grossed him out so much he called for mom. (Do Princes pull their own teeth? Do they fall out when they bite on their silver spoons?) She had to do it. I pulled them myself from then on. I don't remember why, but I can guess. Mom knows how to soothe and push at the same time. I wouldn't be so headstrong without her reminding me that I can do anything.

Mare

P.S. I would knee Ptolemus in the nuts. He knows this already. We have a deal.

P.P.S. Don't drink alone.


	10. Chapter 10

A loud smack wakes me up. I'm still lounging on the soft pillows on the window seat. Still in another stranger's library. I wipe drool off of my chin and spot Evangeline sitting at the only table, reading. That's new. I can't tell if she knows I'm here, and I'm tempted to fall back asleep. We see each other much more frequently these days, but barely talk.

Maven's court continues to skip from town to town, though our movements have slowed to a crawl. I don't stand on stage any longer. I stay behind with the luggage or Wren. I ride with her people or Evangeline, but never Ptolemus. They are determined to keep us separated. Or maybe he's hiding from my fists.

Settling into a schedule is exhausting. My eyes drift closed.

“These are for you.” She pushes something closer to me until I can see the covers from this angle.   
  
"Books?" My mouth is dry. Gross.

She doesn’t look up, "Not from me. I don't give girls strategy books."

I heave myself off of the pillows. She inspects me subtly as I walk towards her. She always look weary now like I'll jump her with a blade or scream garbled words at any moment. There are four books total, as well as a familiar folded paper, and pens. She's right, they are all on strategy. Interestingly, the title on the spine of Evangeline's book is strategy based as well. I open one and look for Cal's name, just in case.

I used to call Maven a ghost, and now I search for the ghost of Cal.

I grab the letter and unfold it when, “Corvium has almost fallen to the Guard.”

I stare, “What?”

“It's only a matter of days.”

Corvium isn't a city. It's an enforced military stronghold. It's close to the Choke for weapons and supplies.  _ They're insane. _ “Cal.”

She barely nods and finally closes her book. “He's on the ground with the rebels. He's leading.”

“Is that what this tour has been for? To re-enforce Corvium?”

“We believe so. Corvium and setting up the blocks for Maven's agenda.”

I look down and realize I left the letter face up and open. I reach to hide and protect Maven's secrets, but hover my hand over it instead.

  
  


_ Mare, _

_ Rushing to a meeting. Send me your thoughts on these books. _

_ And more dreams. _

_ Or stories. _

_ Mav _

  
  


The jealous second son intent on winning or the boy who asks me for my dreams?  _ Who is this boy King? _

“We?”

“Father.”

Is that bitterness in her tone or am I reading her wrong? She meets my eyes and I spot a flash of something darker in them, more intense. We watch each other.

“What do you want Evangeline? What your father wants?” My voice is low like he'll hear me. “Or something else?”

Seconds tick by while she decides what to say. Finally, her eyes drop and she pushes back her chair. “You have your information, Barrow. Make good on our deal.” And quick as a bullet, she's gone.

The objects on the table taunt me. What little information I receive could have come from court gossip. Wren says nothing. Maven keeps his cards too close to his chest. He’s leaving me clues, and the only guesses I have are too crazy to say out loud, to even hope for.

Evangeline’s intentions may not be what I’ve been assuming. She’s very good at hiding behind that wrath. I know what I want. More. Always more. I'm done with scraps.   


I grab my things and imitate a swift on my way to our rooms. My hand is on the doorknob faster than I'll allow myself to think. I push it open. Straight silver hair is mixed with curly red on the bed. Mouths press against each other and hands are everywhere.

“Elane?”

* * *

  
  


My eyes drift back to Elane lounging on the bed. She has a smeared dark purple kiss on her cheek. I look at the rug again and feel the blush burn down my neck.

Evangeline scoffs. “Two girls kissing isn't that traumatic, Mare.”

“Your hand was on her breast!”

“Don't say that out loud.” Ptolemus whines like I care. Did they have to call him in? Elane laughs at it all.

“Our deal doesn't extend to her,” I say to the rug.

“Really? She was in the room when we made it.” My neck spasms from how quickly I raise it, but Evangeline isn't looking at me.

“Don't mess with her, Eve.” Elane coos. Actually coos. She glances over at me. “I've been telling you this wouldn't last. To include her.”

“Include me in what?”

Silence.

Elane sighs and sits up. Loose curls tumble down her shoulders. There's another kiss mark on her neck. The soft white lace top she wears drops off one shoulder.  _ How long was she waiting in here for Evangeline? _

“I never left court after the assassination attempt. I've been spying on Maven.”

If I wasn't already sitting I would have dropped back down. Evangeline's eyes are clenched shut and Ptolemus's posture is stiff and straight. Neither is used to telling the truth.

“Father is going to nail us to a wall.” Ptolemus sighs. Evangeline snickers for some reason.

“Then don't let him catch you.” Elane says as she tosses her hair.

“Says the invisible girl.”

Evangeline's glare could cut the disdain out of my throat, but Ptolemus speaks first, “Don't. She knows what's going on where you don't. Wait until the end.”

“The end?” Evangeline snarls. “Where is the start?”

Ptolemus rubs his chiseled jaw like Wren is here to notice. Maybe I can change one of the agreed punches to plucking his scruff strand by strand.

“Mare.”

All three of them look at me.

 

* * *

 

Evangeline stalked off leaving Ptolemus and Elane to tell the story.

“Do you remember the code Eve used when she brought you to me?”

“A seventh birthday favor.”

“Yes. Did she explain it to you?” I shake my head.

“She received razors from our parents. We always get some kind of metal to twist and learn. They both would test our skills throughout the year and punishment was… swift… if we weren't up to expectations.”

“They didn't get parties or hugs or cake. Each year they got the weight of House Samos on their shoulders. Understand?”

I look away to keep from rolling my eyes.

“That year Father dragged me on a weekend hunting trip so the day of I was exhausted and sleeping. Eve was alone. She wanted his approval.” His voice becomes rough with something: anger, regret, tears. His gaze is focused past me and this room. “She was practicing, something slipped, and she lost the most of two fingers. She came to me covered in blood and sniffling, but not crying. I had to find and bribe a healer for the first time. If they found out that she failed so quickly, neither of our parents would have acknowledged her until her next birthday.”

He's silent for a long time. I have no idea what to say so I let the quiet stretch. Elane holds his hand while he pulls together. He takes in a deep breath and continues.

“My sister is stubborn. She'll marry Maven, though she doesn't want to, to have the power. She'll be miserable, but she'll have what she's worked her entire life for.”

“What the Samos have worked for.”

Ptolemus glances at Elane. She holds his gaze and that constant haughty look softens, “I can tell it if you can't.”

He nods and I can't believe I just watched him give in. Elane's mask is back. I'm not yet worthy to see under it. “Eve and Tolly want out, but they don't know how to make it happen.”  _ Tolly _ cringes. “He can barely say it and she can barely think it.”

“Why tell me this?”

“As I said, I've been spying on Maven. I watched him unravel after his Mother's death and come back into some version of stability with you. You have him on a hook.”

“And I hate him enough to use it.”

She smiles and there should be fangs in her mouth, “Or love him enough. Don't you want him to trust you with his secrets either way?”

I press my hands into my thighs to keep from fidgeting.

“He has papers he keeps with him at all times. Correspondence. I want to know what they are, but I can't get to them. Figure out his secret and we'll get your own correspondence out to Cal.”

The sound of rushing wind fills my ears. _Cal._ She said it so casually. How long have they had a line to him? _Cal_. _Cal._ _Cal. Cal._

“You know I need more than that.”

“What, like tips on seduction?”

Ptolemus cringes at the same time I do.

“No. Letters out to members of the guard. To my family.”

They trade looks. Elane blinks and slides back into another lounging position. Ptolemus meets my eyes, “We can do that.”

* * *

 

 

Mav

You know my father lost his leg. You never saw my mother's gentleness. She always made room for him as he wheeled through the house. She handed him things when he couldn't reach sometimes before he said he wanted it. We kept low tables although half of us are over 6 feet tall. He would turn his chair and pin her to a corner of the kitchen and they'd laugh until she kissed him and he let her go. They love each other in every movement.

Your turn to share.

Mare

P.S. I included my notes on the one book I started.

  
  
  
  


Mare

You ask how I am. I am moments from eruption at all times. These dignified people squabble over millimeters of power, land. They eat their own for more. They bow to me now when before they wouldn't look me in the eye. The extreme supremacists don't see how small they really are.

A story about Cal-- We would have been 6 and 8. He could climb to the top of anything by then, but I couldn't. There were branches spaced too far apart that I was scared too get to. He dared me to make it to the top and somehow I did. I found foot holds. I don't remember, really. Then I fell and broke my arm. For months afterwards he gave me his desserts without asking. He likes to take responsibility for things. He wouldn't listen to me when I described how great it felt at the top for those brief moments. I suppose Mother may have had something to do with that.

They say Mother was the best whisper in Norta, but she was never gentle. She tore out my love for my father and Cal. I remember feeling it, but I can't grasp it any longer. I'm not sure if she took memories or if they are lost to time. I have a lot of blank spots.

The time I spend on that Stone is when I am most myself.

I added notes to your notes.

Mav


End file.
